Dear Ultima,

[Varista]

Dear Ultima

I've played PSO for a very long time. I started when I was toddler at five years old on the Dreamcast on Ver.2, and I've continued to play this masterpiece of a game throughout my childhood and teen years into my adulthood. I've gone few and far between on this game numerous times and I've seen everything there is to see...until of course I found Ultima server.

I thought I had seen everything there was to see concerning Phantasy Star. I played Gamecube offline for 5 years until I finally got a computer of my own in 2008 and downloaded the PC version of the game. I never got to experience the original SEGA servers, but I discovered something better. An online community that was just as ready to play the game and enjoy it now as much as they were back then in the official server days. I started to play on a booming private server like I believe every original player did on Schthack. I can't lie, I loved every second of it. It was an online word in a game I cherished until the end of time. I met some pretty amazing people during those first couple years, it wasn't until 2010 did things start to go down hill.

I was expelled from that server for some pretty dumb reasons; I was a stupid kid and did some pretty stupid things, said some pretty stupid things too. I didn't cheat or hack or anything, could never do that on my favorite game. So, after being kicked out, I basically wandered around for a few years playing other servers. Happened upon Ultima a few times and played it on some older accounts but never really liked it all too much, so I swapped from that to Jupiter, a server I adored for a while before it's uneventful shutdown, then I transferred my characters over to Eden and played there for about a year before also being expelled there under thrifty circumstances. Needless to say, I wasn't very pleased. The only place I felt I could turn to at the time was Schthack in secrecy, because my opinion of Ultima was so swayed in the side of it being suck that I didn't bother to give it a second chance.

The years to come, I noticed more and more of the few people I knew that still played the game were going to Ultima to find new adventures and journies. Inevitably I came to the conclusion that I would give Ultima one last shot, and if I couldn't find people to play with and enjoy the game with, I would be done with PSOBB for good.

So I did. I got on the forums, made myself a puny little forum account named “Auroboro” and made a new account. I logged in, downloaded all the patches, made a tiny blue RAmarl with a tiny pink mag and entered into the large world of Ultima's lobbies where I sat there and tried to converse with people similar to my interests. Little did I know I would fall right into what I now call a blessing. I found people I liked, interacted, they liked me back, played with me, got me to ultimate, got me some decent gear, donated low level gear to me to help me get started, gave me a place to stay in a cozy little team and helped me grow my character. Unfortunately I put up this douche bag front that after a while I was not content with keeping the image of. I was needlessly being a dick to people when I didn't need to be. It was only recently, about half a year ago, did I actually start to stop acting that way and start being more... me...

When I first started on Ultima I never would have dreamed to find the kind of player base that I did and give the kind of respect that I would to the people I do. I never thought I'd join the PRO team, hell, was even rejected permanently at one point before making amends, sort of, to the staff members and founder. I don't think I'll ever truly deserve to be a part of this wonderful team, but it wasn't until recently did I ever stop to think that these people are wonderful individuals, PRO players and others alike.

I never experienced something quite like I have today, I never experienced anything like it. I still think I'm not worthy to be in PRO and be around the amazing and very influential people on this server; those who have garnered the respect of hundreds of people because of their various exploits in fields of which were most helpful to each individual player like I. I still don't think I deserve to be standing next to or even underneath the giants of this server, the kind of people that mold and mend the server and help create the economy and the community, not just PRO members, everybody involved. There are multiple people I respect and give godlike amounts of trust and respect to, admiration included. I can't thank those that have given me a second chance and try to view me better than I showed myself off to be enough. It's a blessing I can't even be thankful enough for.

This server has taught me a lot, it's a family to me. I've grown attached. Attached enough to write all of this in thanks to this wonderful community and attached enough to develop strong feelings to those that have taken me in and cared for me and cared about me and how I feel from the beginning; attached enough to grow feelings for those that have just recently become my friends and have just recently shown themselves to me. I'm grateful for everything, including those that don't play with me, they're also just as great as those that do.

It makes me sad to see some times people disagree and start to throw insults or that we can't get along. I'm naturally a very emotional person, I don't show that off very often because I'm afraid of being bullied for it (an irrational feeling given this amazing place) but every time I see people hating each other and insulting and feeling like they dont get a say or that their opinion doesn't matter it hurts me. I want everybody to know that I want us all to get along, that's my goal, I want this place to last forever.

Dear Ultima, I know that in the beginning I advertised myself as something I'm not. Dear Ultima, I know that in the end I'll probably still be that same old toolbox that I made myself out to be in the beginning to some people. Dear Ultima, I know that I'm not perfect and make mistakes, many people do and I'll always strive to try to make people feel like they can be themselves around me. Dear Ultima, I'm grateful for the gift that this community has given me, the friendship I've gained, and the irreplaceable home I've been given. Dear Ultima, I am 100% committed to all of you, until the day I die. Dear Ultima, thank you for making the last year and a half the most memorable in my entire life, you are a blessing on my life.

Thank you.

Edited May 26, 2016 by Auroboro

[killswitch]

ok people...what happen......who die...i glance to the last part....i see people come n go from here....u shouldnt quit...just take a break....i think...

[Shoutgu]

bye

[Trefleex]

Dude get a hold of urself in the end this is just a game shouldnt be something controlling ur life like u addres it theres much more beautiful stuff out there that is real and not 3d behind pc

Everyone makes mistakes but mistakes can be repaired most times only death cant be repaired xd

Anyway goodluck

[Malxerz]

That was very touching but, as treeflex said, if a game or community has a grip on you like that you are going to run into problems. Take a break from game.

BTW this is the internets, your "front" is almost always how you actually are.

Doge

[Lemon]

BTW this is the internets, your "front" is almost always how you actually are.

Doge

That is very profound, and I hope it's true.

[Varista]

Im not really leaving guys... I just wanted to address how grateful I am...

Also, Malxerz, I'm not that kind of person by nature.

[Cyane]

Don't need to be afraid to be yourself here, we are family as you said! C:

[Starlord]

All I got to say is WTF lol the whole thing was too much to even attempt to read. I felt emotions coming from you so I stopped myself and skipped to the end. Glad you are not leaving I suppose, I left already but I'm no one. All I will say is never get attached to a gaming community like that, it never ends up good. Ask any LOL player and they will tell you. Games as much joy and happiness they bring us they also could destroy lives if you go overboard. The reason they are called "hobbies or distractions" unless you make a living making games then yes gaming becomes your life. I say just mellow out smoke a blunt or whatever you do to relax and come back and ignore all the bad. The whole getting along part I mean common dude you know that's not gonna happen.


I'm not 100% a deck, never go full 100.

You seem like a nice guy and people respond to you positively so I say just take your break and come back refreshed to this game that you seem to love as much. Wish I could say the same but I lost love for this game years ago, I found my happy place in this game back in middle school and high school when I was a child, now I feel no joy.

All in all sorry for all the writing I did but I haven't written anything in so long

starlord Out.

Edited May 26, 2016 by cyane
decks are lovely

[Varista]

All I got to say is WTF lol the whole thing was too much to even attempt to read. I felt emotions coming from you so I stopped myself and skipped to the end. Glad you are not leaving I suppose, I left already but I'm no one. All I will say is never get attached to a gaming community like that, it never ends up good. Ask any LOL player and they will tell you. Games as much joy and happiness they bring us they also could destroy lives if you go overboard. The reason they are called "hobbies or distractions" unless you make a living making games then yes gaming becomes your life. I say just mellow out smoke a blunt or whatever you do to relax and come back and ignore all the bad. The whole getting along part I mean common dude you know that's not gonna happen.

I'm not 100% a deck, never go full 100.

You seem like a nice guy and people respond to you positively so I say just take your break and come back refreshed to this game that you seem to love as much. Wish I could say the same but I lost love for this game years ago, I found my happy place in this game back in middle school and high school when I was a child, now I feel no joy.

All in all sorry for all the writing I did but I haven't written anything in so long

starlord Out.

Okay well since you skipped to the end without actually reading it, you're like Shoutgu who auto-assumed Im saying goodbye which I wasn't. But thanks I guess?