McLaughlin86

Got involved in a series of car accidents today. These accidents have unfortunately left my entire body in a hilarious and irreversible pretzel shape. I have to walk on the tips of my fingers sideways like a crab, and I’m typing this now with my eyebrows and small toes. Don't do weed and drive, kids.

S>RR 60 pd

This one time, my friend and I had to go:

Ultrajerky is my lad.

"I sit in front of my computer all day and comment on everything. I'm an expert on everything. Everything sucks, play the next song."

My water's too wet, please get me another glass.

Fck

Life advice:

So i was on my way to work when a guy busts a u-turn on butterfield road and goes against traffic. He then hits me head on and i proceed to punch him in the face. I keep punching until this orange stuff comes out of him. At this point i realize I'm actually punching a carrot.

I may have dimentia, but at least I don't have dimentia.

Sorry for partying.

You better listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this as many times as it takes.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f...

Also, my best friend's co-worker accidentally shot himself in the head and consequently killed himself. Dude thought the gun was unloaded.

PREMIERE OF MY FAVORITE SHOW'S NEW SEASON TONIGHT! FUCK YOUR FACE, I'M SO FUCKING EXCITED!

You ever wake up and feel pretty as fuck?

Lads

I made a thing.

Die Ace

Let's go drink before we drink.

#worstteamleader2015

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

o

I'm currently time traveling. I'll be back last week.