I could be a waifu. :3 I'd be a mesetadigger and pretend to wuv you so I can bum rares off you, then abandon you when you're no longer necessary. That's what waifus do, right? It'll be a nice arrangement.
In that case, I'll take a free PGF so I can toy with your emotions by making you feel like you're the most important dude in the world, even though I'd consider you easily replaceable. Throw in a spare Cent/Battle and I can emotionally abuse you into feeling worthless unless I am your waifu.
