Vypor Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 (edited) This is a little fanfic I decided to write. It's been slowly fermenting in my head as I played the game. And I finally decided to put it down on digital paper for others to see. If you want to read it, I've got it right here. Edit: 8/31/10 Added chapter 2. Chapter 1 Chapter 2 So if you guys like it, lemme know. I plan on continuing it sometime. And I do appreciate feedback, so I know what the fans want or think should be changed. Thanks in advance. (: UPDATE Updated with some pictures of the characters and items. Mostly for my readers on DeviantART, since most of them haven't played PSO before. Edited September 6, 2010 by Vypor 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyD Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Reading atm, ill edit the post when im done. Already spotted a typo "Pioneer 2 had just arrived to the lanet Ragol, where Pioneer 1 had years " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vypor Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Yeah, I saw that too. Too lazy to change it. I have a bad habit of proofreading them AFTER I submit them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyD Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 (edited) Ok Vypor finally read the whole thing. First of all kudos for your dedication on making this fanfic, it is nice to have a few story going on besides killing monsters to reach the boss, or to find a heat sword or whatever. Im gonna give my honest opinion, i really enjoyed your fanfic. No seriously i was so into it i forgot how much time had passed. Im defenitly a FAN from now on and ill surely read your next chapter. Ok you mentioned some feedback, I really liked the idea of the mags talking with each other and Rane, gave really a new prespective to the mag concept in the story, making them alot more alive really (you even named them) Btw they were a kalki mag right? (Might have missed that part). I think you should go into a bit more indepth with that fellow soldier that greated him at the beggining, i mean hes a grunt but he was actually pretty cool to talk to, he seems competent enough too since he been able to defend in the forest. Also maybe explore the Hunter Guild a bit, i mean we know so little about it in the game. I think maybe a "how i got here" part from Ranes past. Of course all of these you may have thought of and are saving for later anyway i really enjoy it Vypor, will be waiting for a new one. Keep WRITTING! EDIT: Almost forgot, Take another +1 Rep Edited August 30, 2010 by SunnyD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Draven Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 good start to your story only noted a few small mistakes nothing really needs to be corrected. keep it coming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragon Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 This is a little fanfic I decided to write. It's been slowly fermenting in my head as I played the game. And I finally decided to put it down on digital paper for others to see. If you want to read it, I've got it right... HERE So if you guys like it, lemme know. I plan on continuing it sometime. And I do appreciate feedback, so I know what the fans want or think should be changed. Thanks in advance. (: lmao did u actually wrote it out,and yea i didnt read all cause i hate reading lol sometimes,but sounds interesting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragonsl4y Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 that was great, cant wait for part 2. theres so much you could add to it, definatly a lot of potential in this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vypor Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Ok Vypor finally read the whole thing. First of all kudos for your dedication on making this fanfic, it is nice to have a few story going on besides killing monsters to reach the boss, or to find a heat sword or whatever. Im gonna give my honest opinion, i really enjoyed your fanfic. No seriously i was so into it i forgot how much time had passed. Im defenitly a FAN from now on and ill surely read your next chapter. Ok you mentioned some feedback, I really liked the idea of the mags talking with each other and Rane, gave really a new prespective to the mag concept in the story, making them alot more alive really (you even named them) Btw they were a kalki mag right? (Might have missed that part). I think you should go into a bit more indepth with that fellow soldier that greated him at the beggining, i mean hes a grunt but he was actually pretty cool to talk to, he seems competent enough too since he been able to defend in the forest. Also maybe explore the Hunter Guild a bit, i mean we know so little about it in the game. I think maybe a "how i got here" part from Ranes past. Of course all of these you may have thought of and are saving for later anyway i really enjoy it Vypor, will be waiting for a new one. Keep WRITTING! EDIT: Almost forgot, Take another +1 Rep Ahh, thank you. I appreciate the longer reviews. I get far too much of the for my liking. And Mags, ahh yes, Mags. I wanted to give them some sort of personality. It's what I wished PSO had more of. The Magnitude of metal quests had Elenor talking about them like they were living biomechanical creatures. I wanted to show that. Give them a personality. And the soldier will have a bit more in the story with him. I have some more plans there. More than you know. ;D lmao did u actually wrote it out,and yea i didnt read all cause i hate reading lol sometimes,but sounds interesting Yes Dragon, I did write this. lol. that was great, cant wait for part 2. theres so much you could add to it, definatly a lot of potential in this. Well thanks dude. I appreciate the feedback. I'll throw up another chapter sometime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollybass Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 nice vypor , love this +1 :3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vypor Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Thanks Holly, glad you liked it. C: There just aren't enough PSO fanfictions out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyD Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Character bios? Well done Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vypor Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 Character bios? Well done Eh, well not really character bios. Just visual references, so people better know what they look like. As for bios, I haven't really done much in the way of that. Though I plan to in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vypor Posted August 31, 2010 Author Share Posted August 31, 2010 Chapter 2 is up. Do enjoy, those who enjoy reading. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Draven Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 great work on part 2 i like where your story is going keep up the great work trashcan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyD Posted August 31, 2010 Share Posted August 31, 2010 (edited) AH finally ive been waiting for this Thank you! Will read it now, edit later. EDIT: Althou i enjoy the first chapter a bit more this one doesnt fall behind, another great and interesting read. The only problem i had was picturing the area they were, i mean i understood but still had to be focused to picture it in my mind Continue the great work, and by no means feel pressured to get the history going, take your time The picture reference defenitly gave a nice toutch to the story for those who arent into pso concept or have trouble imaginating stuff, keep it up Will be waiting for your next chapter. Edited August 31, 2010 by SunnyD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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